As I write this, I am pretty sure I am (somewhat) present with a rather LARGE cup of coffee today. With just 1 hour of sleep, I tend to rethink myself quite often throughout the day. As life would have it, all 3 of my children suffer from asthma (just as I did as a child.) Most days are relatively well but over the past 7 months this terrible disease has slowly take hold of my children and will not seem to let up. Most nights, like many warrior mamas I know, I lie awake at night Googling symptoms and illnesses and falling deeper and deeper into a rabbit hole full of information. Anxiety begins to set in as I can feel my heart start racing. What doesn’t help is rotating breathing medication every 4 hours for all 3, leaving Mom with little sleep and lots of worry.
As a parent, you will never know what true love is until you are forced, mentally, physically, emotionally, etc into the dark and scariest of unknowns you will ever face. The constant worry and stress has certainly taken its toll on me, as my love for them outweighs any negatives associated with being absolutely bone exhausted. When I look back on their days as infants and toddlers I can remember thinking how wonderful it would be when they are independent young adults. Ohh how I was wrong. Completely wrong. The teenage years have crept up on me faster than I would like to admit and yet here I am. Wishing the days would slow down because, despite the exhaustion, my cup runneth over.